In early November I went through a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). This was round 8 of IVF, round 14 of ART. They transferred two blastocysts that we harvested in September — both with delayed growth and average scores. I was given a different post-transfer regime, topping up with two injections of Pregnyl (hCG), first eight hours after transfer, and another… Read more →
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A word for the General Public.
Please, ask me about my fertility. If you are curious as to why I don’t have children yet, I am happy to share with you why. I am presuming you want to know and will handle maturely the conversation that follows, when I share with you some of my bad news. That I was diagnosed with infertility. That a heaping… Read more →
Love, Marriage and No Baby Carriage
Infertility never been portrayed more honestly on the silver-screen than in the movie UP. It was a small snippet in a full and delicious movie about true love, grief and rediscovering one’s appetite for adventure. The opening montage featuring the love story of Carl and Ellie is one of the most gorgeous pieces of storytelling I’ve ever seen. Theirs was… Read more →
Song of the Day
Reality…by Lost Frequencies. Read more →
Happy birthday?
I dance on the edge of happy and sad. I wear a party hat while I cry. I blow out candles that are not there. I feel hollow and full of nothing. It’s my birthday today, so that means it is the happiest saddest day of the year. I’m willing everything inside myself not to feel blue. But I do.… Read more →
2015 Nor Cal Walk of Hope
On Saturday, I attended the 2015 Nor Cal Walk of Hope in my hometown city of Sacramento. It was an emotionally-layered experience, one that made my soul cry and smile. As my mom and I drove to the Walk, I’ll admit that I got a little weepy. I hadn’t had a good cry in about a month, so I was… Read more →
A Guide for Friends & Family of a Woman with Infertility
Medical experts, psychologists and researchers seem to agree that infertility is a life crisis. It changes everything about a woman, disrupting her worldview, her usual positivity, her feelings toward her body, and on and on. It can often consume every waking minute of a person’s – even for women who previously were not the obsessive type. Women with passionate hobbies, rising careers,… Read more →
Cups
IVF is a really hard ordeal for men. It’s really painful because it requires them to have that awkward orgasm involving a plastic cup. It’s really hard on them having to deal with that crusty, tattered edition of Playboy July ’98. The one with Jenny McCarthy on the cover. And the men, bless their hearts, know what she’s turned into.… Read more →
Testing Day
Why infertility hurts so bad. Reason #106. When you start trying to get pregnant, you summon so much love for the baby that will come. Let’s call it pre-love. It swells inside you, growing bigger by the day. Every month, you follow the signs to see if you’re any closer to being united with that one you already love. But… Read more →
Pregnancy, interrupted.
The day that I lost my pregnancy in 2014 I was rushed into emergency surgery. My beta-hCG hormone levels were rising rapidly, but at the 8 week heartbeat ultra-scan, my uterus was empty. The infertility specialist treating me at Copenhagen General Hospital (not it’s real name, it’s actually Rigshospitalet) scrambled to set an urgent appointment, three floors down, with the chief… Read more →